Sudah seminggu consume flutiform, 4× daily puff, and xamek ventolin pun lagi, since last week monday nye KPJ asthma appointment. Syukur, but still believe yg this is not a permenant solution, but xapelah, layankan aje la kan. Sbb another 3 weeks, need to go KPJ lagi, for follow up. So, nak xnak, kene layankan juga flutiform (kot namanye hahah) yg ada steroid ni and kumuh2 after pengambilan. Klu x kumuh2, most likely ulser ada. Leceh, tp what to do.
What to do, what to do, what to do.
Migrain kerap kali attack kat belah blkg kepala bahagian kanan shj ni, the suicidal thinking (jump off tpt yg tinggi, pasal ape entah) pun masih ada berlegar2 dlm minda ni, dan the 'en nomad' thinking pun masih kerap kali dan berlegar2 dlm minda ini.
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar
Selawat ke atas Nabi Muhammad S.A.W
Ni mesti diri ni masih berharap he reaches me again, in magical way and charming style. Ceit, what an impossible hope. Sudah setahun since the meeting at KLIA, he never reach anything. Plus, sudah declare kosong-kosong kan, so, what are you still hoping for nora binti ismail? Please, please and please. " What if he has mutual feeling? What if he also rindu separuh nyawa? What if he always check my status at every social media e.g. whatsApp, MT, Skype, Facebook. What if he loves me deeply? What if, what if?" Penat la ginih nora binti ismail, xpenat ke.
Allah, please help me. I am always at yout mercy, at all times. Pity me. I know and makin aware yg perkahwinan akan dpt automatik menyempurnakan separuh iman seseorang, and so, I wanted it so bad. Sbb nye, i nak and perlukan that utk ke syurgaMu dgn mudah, in sha Allah. Tapi, tulah, en nomad doesnt desire me, my family background in parenting did show not so wise / inspiring approach at all times and importantly, i dont know still dont know how to love myself so mcm.mn nak sayang org lain? Allah, aku istikharah padaMu. Jodoh atau maut, whichever yg Kau rasa terbaik utk diri ini, seeking your guidance please.
Still, i am hoping that:
1. I die before my loved ones go
2. When i die, my mayat and soul relax2, wangi, smile sokmo and in peace with people in faith
3. Prior my death, en nomad will reach me again and will put a great effort utk kenal hati budi masing2 with niat utk settle down with me
4. If not en nomad be the true one, there is another guy to take those actions
5. Sametime, my master study pun dpt selesai sebaiknye
6. Sametime, my tasks in work pun dpt dilakukan seeloknye
7. Sametime, my family sentiasa hidup dlm keimanan, ketakwaan dan ketenangan yg betul mengikut cara Islam yg betul
8. I wanted so bad utk meet and live again with my kids e.g. nur kakak, alang, upin, ipin, haha, mak, mak terbeliak, didi and many more anak2 bulus yg i sgt sgt syg, ya Allah. Missing them so much, xsbr that day to come. Angah, ya Allah, izinkan aku pergi sebelum angah pergi ye, izinkan aku pergi dlm iman ye, please
Love you Allah, really do. Love Allah and Rasulullah. Please forgive me, ya Allah. I am sorry.
