1. Tenaga fizikal: Low & most hours just bed rotting but minimal routine utk kerja2 di rumah sewa masih boleh settlekan seperti rutin kebiasaan (e.g. dog walking at 3am+, minimal clean up here & there, buang sampah ke luar, etc)
2. Mental capacity: Non-stop thinking multiple possibilites/narratives in mind while creating new puzzles but not too overthinking like semalam/last week/usual habit
3. Emosi: Steady but not so vibey
4. Qtty makan ubat Dr Najib: Total of 2mg xanax (2 biji pill) & 120mg cymbalta (2 biji pill)
5. Qttty minum air: Total of 2L+ air mineral & 2 air tin coffee & 1 air soya kotak
6. Selera makan: Ada makan walaupun rasa nausea & rasa malas nak kunyah/habiskan
7. Berak: Ada berak & warnanya normal coklat
8. Kencing: Ada kencing & warnanya normal kuning cair
9. Belikat area: X rasa sakit apa2
10. Migrain: Ada sakit sket sekejap2
11. Tidur: Susah nak tidur asbab no.2 above
12. Screen time for scrolling medsos: >12 hours while bed rotting and makan minum
13. Radio rosak in mind ttg someone bernama MGM: Low & x macam kebiasaan selalu heavy teringat
14. Self-acceptance ttg keputusan Company on my fit to work status (been discussed in details during consultation session at Klinik Tan Seremban semalam on 23May): Collectively they stick w UNFIT status for me but 80% ok dah rasa jiwa ini utk accept takdir Tuhan & no more serabut sgt (walaupun last week amatlah rasa koyak & rasa so rejected which then causing unwanted physical pain here & there including telah gagalkan my desire to donate blood kat Lotus S2 on Monday 18May, plus smlm after the session memang badan & emosi quickly auto- drained macam seketul kain basah kene perah kuat2 by a high tech compress machine)
15. Keadaan w circles: Last night tiba2 my bestie Anis Syafirin tnye my khabar. Rasanya she could feel my struggles from afar, mcm selalu ketika di uni memang her superpower habit akan dpt instinct when i was off here & there. Tp mcm biasa, i didnt open up to her last night sbb no.1 & no.14 above, but i replied to her yang once i ready & bertenaga, will do story morry & spill the tea accordingly, soon, yes soon. Today pula, sudah notify dan update pjg lebar pada family ttg no.14. Walaupun they didnt respond macam keluarga normal yg jenis kepochi tnye itu ini, but deep down i knew that their worries about my health have been elevated higher than before
Yup itu shj buat hari ini 24May.
Tmrw onwards mungkin style menulis journal akan berubah mengikut mood & ilham idea ketika itu.
Nora, you got this. Remember, just get it done and you got this.
