Hari ni amek xanax 1mg (1pill), after makan nasi kak wok. It has been few weeks, since 1 July 2025 x amek xanax at all. That was the monthly goal utk july ni tapi rasanya x dapat meet that. Xpelah, ubat pun ada, jadi no saddy sgt lah diri. It s ok, demam panas hari selasa&raby then sakit area gerd berterusan sampai today hari khamis. Demam dah ok today tapi bukan sakit perut atas pusat, so mengikut firasat diri itu adalah gas anxiety. So makan ikhitar ajelah dgn xanax. Benda da ada. X ape, next month ada lagi utk cuba target Zero Xanax, in sha Allah.
Walaupun rasa weird kenapa badan masih ada sisa anxiety yg overwhelming (sebab nothing to fear of dan tbh rasa steady ttg future), tapi i boleh tahu kenapa badan masih rasa highly unsettled:
1) anak2 bulus yg masih ada w me as of this hour: Stella (the only female cat), Bently, Loki, Oyen Fren, Fighter & Tasyriki; while for dogs: Doggi, Bonnie & Doggo sahaja. Knowing they will soon tinggalkan diri ini seperti Blacky dog & Luna cat by previous W3/4 of June rituh passed away, sedih hati ni nok. Pedih yg amat dan memory yg mmg minx doa mau dipadamkan segera dlm folder pintu otak ini. Tahu mereka yg sudah pergi tuh semua telah berada di tpt yg paling selamat & aman di sisi Allah, tapi sebagai parent/guardian yg menjaga anak, then diuji kehilangan anak mmg satu ujian yg perghhh. Sgt perghhh sakit dalam jiwa ni huhu. Pastu dgn keadaan badan masih rasa sejarah akan berulang, jadi itu yg masih rasa anxiety
2) Badan kan baru lepas demam panas, jadi gas2 toxin drpd demam tuh kan masih ada dlm perut. Jadi biasalah bdn berangin hingga trigger the anxiety switches to ON semula
3) Otak asyik fikir utk practise swimming starting selasa rituh. Tapi sebabkan demam, x jadi sbb badan refused to comply. Then otak postpone ke rabu tapi the same thing badan x mau. Today pun badan x mau swimming dan x mau puasa sunat khamis, walaupun otak dah panjang meeting memikirkan ttg puasa sunat vs swimming vs dobi. Kesian otak, mmg this week anda kalah teruks. Badan wins. Tapi badan x lah win sgt sbb anxiety signal from otak also kene tempias dekat badan
4) Period this july macam x berapa lancar seperti normal biasa dulu. Proses dari hari ke hari mcm lain sket from previous. Asbab kesan meds cymbalta & quetipine, excluding xanax perhaps. Boleh jadi. Rasanya gas toxin from proses period pun dapat triggerkan the anxiety switches to ON juga
5) Last month June, x gi urut pun. This month july masih xsure akan pergi or postpone ke august. Jadi sebabkan badan x diurut, jadi byk fatigue badan sana sini yg meresahkan/ meng-anxiety kan keadaan badan utk bekerja pada masa depan
Penat juga kan anxiety ni. Fear of future. Haih badan dan otak, sudah sudahlah. Allah kan ada. Let go and Let God kan. We made agreement sudah kan about this. Remember kan. So please. Step up masing2 punya game & get it alligned quickly. X moh lah mcm ginih lagi, jadikan pengajrn utk next month and Q4 2025. Kesian diri dan jiwa ini, pls work together utk nora binti ismail punya ultimate goal 2025 which s to be cleared from doctors so that can continue work by dec 2025 & onwards. Let’s we focus about that together ya. Kita masih ada
-august (will be meeting w all 3 docs)
-sept
-oct (will be meeting w all 3 docs)
-nov
-dec (will be meeting w all 3 docs, get medical reports & get exam prior 23 Dec for Return To Work)
+swimming
+meds of cymbalta & quetipine for daily & xanax bila perlu
+house cleaning
+part time job?? From oct to dec??? Why not kan
Xpelah, will see how. Selalu byk doa dan ckp dgn Allah tau diri. Please jgn sombong dgn Allah, just say it selalu w Him. Allah Maha Baik, Penyayang, Powerful & everything; so please just talk to Him ALWAYS ok! We got this, you got this. In sha Allah, aminn.
Love.
