what a day, already in august month and muharram islamic month.
and so, rasa sungguh syukur sbb x busy with works and x busy with meetings at all until today, or probably until end of this month. alhamdulillah, like it.
but in contra, rasa makin kosong dan wtv. the negativity is getting thicker, termasuklah my travel claim rituh still pending processing. apakah? hello, pls expedite it la, is it technically hard or disebabkan bosses xde at office yg melambatkn proses? sampai hati mereka mereka itu yg x empati terhadap my claim, need it fast utk byr itu ini dan standby itu ini for next couple of weeks. spoil mood betul hari ni disebabkan ini, haihhh.
next week, kene start Work In Office (WIO). perlu, harus, wajib. sebab this week dah fully silently Work From Home (WFH). dah la x inform officially to any bosses, alamakz. doa doa none of them notice and spotlight me, aminn aminn.
dan doa doa sgt, my claim dpt settle next week. aminn aminn. probably would be facing with cash issue if x dpt settle next week. guana huhu, alamakz. ya Allah, need your blessing and help. please help me with the claim, ya Allah, please please. i love you, Allah walaupun i am a sinner at all times huhu. please forgive me, ya Allah. always needing you in my life, please help with everything beyond my control and knowledge, ya Allah.
including my OCD issue, especially yang berkaitan dengan M. penat melayan my mind dan my desire to keep hoping with the false hope with M. dia x salah, he does nothing wrong. yang salah adalah saya, sebab masih gagal kawal my own body systems to listen and comply. what to do, itu pun perlu terus menerus minx bantuan pada Allah. Allah yg Maha Berkuasa atas semuanya, termasuk hal hati. Ya Allah, please guide me, please help me, please bless me. I just need to be a good slave for You and a good person for my circle especially to my parents and siblings. supaya probability utk mati dalam keadaan yg baik2 dan senang gler masuk syurga would be higher. macam mana ni Allah? buntu sebuntu buntu nya. cannot see yet, the light. the genuine light. doa doa can get thru this. doa doa semuanya akan baik baik sahaja. doa doa manala tahu kan, M akan text me back and flirt harder on me ke kan, who knows hahaha, berangan berangan sungguh saya ni hahaha. so OCD, penat den tau. x ape la kan utk berangan, mana tahu he is my soulmate. entahlah, jodoh ni satu perkara yg sgt menakutkan. so, setakat berangan shj tuh, masih boleh to handle. but to think further and beyond, i dont think my mind could handle it yet. adakah sebab mmg x matang lagi dan mmg x bersedia utk next stage of life? mungkin la kan, keberangkalian itu tinggi la kan. so, ya Allah, pls help me on this juga. help me with everything, ya Allah, please please ye. love you Allah :).
doa doa semuanya akan dipermudahkan, aminn aminn.
