Malam ke 27 Ramadhan, and i am on my period. In sha Allah akan period sampai raya next week. Jadi kesimpulan utk menggantikan puasa nnt akan jadi 7hari sbb awal2 ramadhan pun dah period. Walapun rasa terkilan and predictable, tapi lagi rasa terkilan sbb xdpt khatam al-Quran. Hanya mampu read few juzuk and then stop at surah at-Taubah yg surahnya xde bacaan basmallah pada inttoductionnye. Patutnya boleh pulun tapi malas. I believe my laziness did cause it, bukan my that shitty feeling. Alhamdulillah, rasa much better in managing that shitty feeling for recent days walaupun the wish utk 'tutup mata terus ketika tidur and terus dpt together with anak2 yg dah pergi tuh kan lagi baik, kot' is still playing on off in this mind, but it is ok. So far still ok and hopefully the next day and in future, in sha Allah lagi lagi matang dan kuat utk tetap memilih dan melakukan apa2 yg Allah suka walaupun ujian lagi berat dek akal dan jiwa seperti kematian the loved ones. Ya Allah, pls forgive me and my loved ones, and pls help us all in dunia and akhirat. Pls, hope You always bless us all dengan kekuatan dlm yg mantap dan betul. Aku mmg xkuat, ya Allah. Aku takut dgn diri sendiri sbb aku masih xdpt nak syg diri ku ini, sbb rasa xde keperluan utk itu. Jadi, really really need your blessing, guidance and love at all times, pls Allah, pls help me.
Ya Allah, terima kasih tau sebab gerakkan hati adikku nur ain binti ismail utk ikut ke kelas muzik tghr td. For her ukulele 1st lesson session. Her teacher is Cikgu Alvin from Sabah. When she mentioned about sabah, teringat kat dia. How is he doing kan, he is a kind and sweet person. Ada ciri2 husband material and family man mungkin. Sayang sbb kami mcm xde jodoh. Cikgu Alvin pulak dah ada cincin kat jari, ain yg cakap. Walapun ain mcm suka dgn this ukulele belajar thing with her music teacher, tp deep down i can feel yg she is still struggle with her shitty feeling. She can't be happy from inside in natural way, same like me. Kesian adik aku tu, ya Allah. I feel helpless, still, so really need you kind buy-in in this matter ya Allah. Utk selalu gerakkan hati aku, ain dan the loved ones ke arah jalan yg bukan sesat tapi ke arah jalan yg baik2 shj. Boleh kan ya Allah, Kau Maha Besar, Kau Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang, dan Kau pemegang unggul pada kalimat 'kun faya kun', jadi dgn itu aku sgt percaya, beriman dan perpegang teguh pada Mu ya Allah. Hope You dont hate me.
Sebab kalau Allah dan Rasulullah benci aku, alamatnya nak masuk syurga dgn easy peasy mmg xde la gayanya. Xboleh xboleh ginih. Nak xnak, kene kuatkan usaha dan perbanyakkan doa pada kebanyakan waktu. Kalau nak setiap waktu tuh, mcm payah sbb i am only human~
Xpe nora, cuba dan cuba. Zikir, selawat dan doa setiap hari walaupun baca al-Quran masih xde rutin yg jelas. It is ok, ok nora. Allah ada, the loved ones masih around and yg penting, your mind is stable and ok. Pls keep fighting ok, even it feels no value and not worthy, but just do and get it done. Apa2 kerja yg masih xdiselesaikan, just do and get it done with lots of talking to Allah, in sha Allah. Doa aje yg baik2 ye nora.
