1. Confirm kene agama lagi solid than me
2. Monthly pendptn (cash in) available no issue
3. Saving yg strong
4. Beban hutang managable
5. Love me more than others
6. Family man
7. Ada rupa sket
8. Boleh lead me wisely & softly
9. Suka buat kerja rumah
10. Suka clingy with me more than others
In sha Allah, semoga Allah izinkan dan guidekan ke arah jalan yg lebih Dia berkati, aminn.
We are not compatible. - Sedih, masih rasa terkilan ttg status dan hakikat antara saya dan 'awak'. What a memory, betul2 'awak' wanted so badly to meet sbb others and not because of the compatibility sense. Aduh, heheh, ingatkan ada kesinambungan cerita, tp rupanya 'awak' dan 'ham ham 10 tahun' adalah sekadar kenalan dlm hidup ini. What a memory. Wondering my romantic relationship mcm mn nnt rasanye, bentuknya, logiknye especially compatibility nye. Allahu Akbar, Ar Rahman Ar Rahim, doa2 Allah izinkan aku utk memasuki alam perkahwinan yg berkat dan diredhai Allah dan Allah kurniakan aku pengalaman romatik2 ni sepanjang perkahwinan nnt, aminn. Aku perlukan perkahwinan kerana Allah.
Tapi, masih takut sebab diri. Disebabkan keadaan mental dan emosi yg masih xkuat imannye terutama bab kematian org tersyg, takut2 apabila that test hits again during the marriage life, kesannye might impact the husband and/or kids. Allahu Akbar. Allah, im scared and confuse. Mcm mn ni ya Allah.
Please welcome me "in", ya Allah, to your side. Itu the ultimate cara utk ill "go" w/o feeling so painful inside anymore, under Your terms, ya Allah. Yes, i wanted and need to get married but the desire to "go" is higher. Looking forward to be invited to the hereafter before my loved ones supaya i can feel assured and feel no pain. Eventhough xde rezeki kahwin di dunia ini i think i feel ok sbb dpt the "invitation" dulu sebelum my parents, siblings, besties & closed relatives. Doa2 sgt xmasuk neraka tapi dapat lepak2 stay with org2 yg beriman dan my loved ones terutama my beautiful cats, until Hari Kiamat tiba. Dan doa sgt2, lepas tuh terus masuk syurga dan bukan neraka. Xnak neraka, ya Allah, please, seeking Your mercy, please. Xnak neraka, xnak.
Guide me and my loved ones sentiasa ye ya Allah, please have mercy to us. Love You ya Allah, help us and please dont leave us. I need You. Please forgive me, Allah. Please fogive my loved ones, Allah.
Today niat puasa sunat Hari Arafah dan combine dgn niat puasa sunat Hari Isnin. Hope can sustain till buka puasa sbb dah lama dah xpuasa sunat ni. Aminn.
Am thinking about the recent dream. Bukanlah nightmare, dan serabut. Cuma cant stop thinking about it. In that dream, i had courage to self-harm by cutting the left wrist with a sharp knife. Waktu tuh, yg i remember tgh marah dan upset pada seseorang sbb seseorang itu was so sad sbb baru kehilangan the loved ones and then dia wanted to self-harm and suicide. But never did, cuma menangis so hard and acted histeria utk suicide. Dan pada waktuh itu, i felt so annoyed dan i picked a sharp knife then terus cut my pergelangan tangan kiri ni by shouting to that person yg i did it, so you can do it if you really really want it. Tp dia xbuat apa2 kot lepas saw my action and then my blood keluar from my wrist dengan warna merah yg pekat dan byk darah. Sebelum dealing with that person, waktu tu i just knew yg my loved ones dah 'pergi'. So it was the courage or trigger point why I was so brave to cut my left wrist without fikir dulu. I just buat tanpa segan2 dan malu2, 'just do' the self-harm in front of those people in the dream.
Wow, so wow kan. Sbb rasa wow, perasaan berani to act and 'just act it' tuh dah physically happen in the dream. Sebelum ni, xde this kind of dream tau. That was the first, and thus, wow.
Doa dan terus berdoa pada Allah yang Maha Kuasa, yang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang untuk sentiasa lindungi diri ini dan my loved ones supaya sentiasa dalam pilihan hidup yang baik2 dan diberkati, janganlah jalan yg salah mengikut emosi dan permainan syaitan, sehinggalah ke akhirat kelak. Aminn, aminn.