2021, Diary#2

This hour is around 1.30am and it is Wednesday, March 10th.

Wasnt too physical well, sakit kepala blkg belah kanan yg amat2+ tangan kiri seakan lumpuh rasa sakit yg amat2 + a bit numb. But alhamdulillah, i could beat my bad self sket during few days ini. Went to rumah akak dan kak hani for staying up studying master's project. Months xsentuh2, but that day, terima kasih Allah for your segala keizinan. I love you Allah. Need your mercy for every second in this world. Your kind mercy to move my heart and the loved ones'heart into the right faithful choices when we are at the junctions. Please dont hate us, dont hate me, Allah. Nak sgt2 Kau pilih dan izinkan diri ini ke dalam syurgaMu. Looking forward, so itu antara sebab kuat utk terus bernafas dan terus lawan apa yg boleh supaya the invisible tuh kalah sokmo hahaaha.

Teruskan doa dan usaha ye nora, nnt kalau ko yg futre tuh pilih bad choices, karang aku yg now nih hempuk ko nnt. Teruskan read and learn to feel and see from inside. #brailleconcept #rippleeffecttowardshumbleness.

Entahlah relevent ke idok, tp now mmg ada feeling2 ttg braille nih. Dont know why, tp sgt tetarik dgn apa2 yg invisible tp satu hapak awareness dan ilmu so so zero or negative. Jd itu terbukti betapa apakah diri ini haihh, guana nak dpt tiket ke syurga ni bila ilmu humblenese tuh amatlah memalukan diri sendiri. Nora..Nora..., please please. 

2021, Diary#1

 Dear self,

Xsangka masih wujud this account blog. Masih ada memory ttg dulu2 ada tulis mcm diari or journal. Tp ingatkan that memory adalah hanya sekadar bayangan. Nnt ada masa, ada plan utk read tru those past words in this blog.

Now, just want to note down or recap on several matters that had happened yesterday March 2nd. Now dah masuk March 3rd, 0001 Hour. So, smlm tghr until asar, rasa sgt content, happy and grateful sbb dpt derma darah. Previously, kerap kene reject sbb low HB but tadi syukur dan terima kasih Allah bagi keizinan utk keluarkan darah from this body ni utk keperluan org yg memerlukan nnt. Then, zohor time was engaged with office manager utk buat report kenaikan grade. So, perasaan perah santan tuh pun dtg yg konon2 nye ada peluang utk nama dicalonkan naik from G2 to G3. Jd, bersambunglah perasaan happy tuh hahaha walaupun badan rasa xsedap badan e.g. peluh2, rasa nak muntah tp xmuntah la, penat sokmo; after derma darah tadi huhu.

Tapi mcm biasa, insan bernama Nora binti Ismail ni mmg lumrahnye berjiwa low mood and cant be motivated utk sustain the good emotions. Those positivity feelings hanya temporary shj, sebab from that asar until this hour dah mcm resume the normal feeling and emotion: "wtv', 'what for" and "what is the point executing those babysteps or little contributions". Plus, sakit kepala belah kanan belakang yang mencucuk2 dan sakit sgt nih, pun sudah resume mcm biasa. 

Allahuakbar, Allah Maha Besar. Sayang sgt Allah dan Rasullullah serta para sahabat2. Mungkin dah tiba masa utk step up the game to fight this battle. Rasulullah dan para sahabat waktu dulu lagi hebat dalaman dan keimanan bila diberi ujian after ujian. Sbb objektifnya utk bodek Allah supaya Allah berikan tpt di syurga. Itu yg selalu ditakuti diri, kalau satu hari nnt terpilih pilihan yg salah. The inner self battle; nora +ve vs nora suicidal thought.  Nak masuk syurga sgt2, sbb the loved one yg dah 'pergi' sedang menanti. Xpasti ada kemampuan ke x utk terus fight, tapi kene cuba dan cuba. Walapun kdg2 bila justify to diri sendiri utk terus hidup demi the loved one tuh, kdg2 dah xrasa kuat glue nye tuh huhu.

Xpelah, will see how from time to time. In sha Allah, doa dan usaha yg baik2. 

Cheers.